Lately I’ve been finding myself getting really annoyed at people who complain. Right now the most complaining that I’m experiencing from other people is about the weather. The weather isn’t the way they want or expect and it feels like everybody I come across is complaining about it. And it’s pissing me off!

I know, that’s not very Zen of me, is it? You’re right. And I’m struggling with that. I am consciously trying to have peace within, be grateful for what-is, see the beauty in everything and generally get closer to Source. And when I hear these petty complaints I just want to shake them. Don’t you see how amazing everything is? Don’t you see how stupid it is to complain about the freaking weather? And then I just have to laugh at myself.

I’ve been holding my tongue. So far, I’ve made it through the complaints without telling anyone off or explaining to them how “wrong” they are for feeling like crap about the weather. And I’m grateful for that level of self-restraint. Wouldn’t I just be complaining about those complainers if I spoke up? After all the phenomenon of complaining about the weather is just as systematic as the weather itself. Only with not nearly as much organized intelligence as the climate possesses.

To seek an answer to my issue I went within. I meditated and asked myself, by way of one of my inner guides, how can I deal with this annoyance towards the weather complainers? The answer came quickly: Forgive them, for they know not what they do.

That’s a quote from Jesus, but it’s one of those universal truths. We humans rarely know what we’re doing.

And it felt very true for me and for this situation at hand. Forgive them. On a day in mid-summer when the rain falls and gives life to the trees, grass, flowers and ourselves, the beaches empty as the clouds protect us from the intensity of the sun and the people get mad that their leisure time is ruined, forgive them. They don’t see what’s great about this day. All they see is loss. A loss of summer. A loss of sunshine. But, there is no such thing as loss. And the sun does not owe us anything. In times of drought they will be praying for a rainy summer. Forgive them, for they know not what they do.

That’s my answer. Forgiveness. And truly, it’s the answer to everything, but for today I need an answer to how to deal with those annoying complainers. I can do that. They’re still learning about completeness and the truth about loss. We can’t lose our summer to the rain. And it’s okay that people can’t see that. I forgive them. And I pray for peace within their hearts. That’s what we all want in the end isn’t it? Peace in our hearts.

Here, I’ll go first.

The ideal world goal would be salvation for all, wouldn’t you think? Salvation would mean that we’re all saved. Which would mean that we’re all in a state of peace and love. At least that’s what I think it means.

Growing up Christian I was taught that I needed to make Jesus Christ my own personal saviour or else I wasn’t going to go to heaven. And I learned that salvation was only possible because Jesus died on the cross and rose from the dead and all that. We sang songs about salvation and were very proud of ourselves for having heard about our man, Jesus, because otherwise we would’ve been lost lambs on our way to the slaughter.

Of course as I grew into my teenage years having this father figure of whom I needed to obey in order to get my reward was the perfect paradigm to rebel against. Eventually, I simply threw it all away as anything real or necessary. And frankly, I deemed it all a bit naïve and arrogant to assume that Christians had the right idea and everyone else was misguided. In fact, it became very clear that Christianity was probably one of the most misguided religions in the world.

Fast forward nearly 20 years and I pray to God regularly, I am delighted that Jesus showed up on Earth 2000 years ago, and I embrace a lot of the characteristics of Christianity that are at the core of the religion, like loving kindness. I don’t go to church and I don’t want to. I believe in no-religion and embrace peace and love and joy for all human beings – even the sinners. I guess this is also what the Christians say but you just don’t see them acting on it much. Then again, you probably won’t see me acting on it either because I am private about my spirituality and motivations for loving kindness.

What are my motivations? Salvation for all. It’s true. Talk about arrogance though, right? I think that’s why I feel it’s important for me to be writing all this anonymously. I don’t want my ego to get in the way of what I feel is my true path. I believe, through my own inner knowing and from what I’ve come to learn from other spiritual teachers, that by seeking higher consciousness for myself I will be contributing to elevating the consciousness of everyone. Thus, my own loving kindness, my non-judgment, my path to enlightenment, will be a catalyst for the salvation for every human being on earth.

Maybe that sounds strange. When I see it written out it looks similar to what a power seeking leader would say to influence the actions of a large group of people: “Follow me and you will be saved!” But, that’s not what I’m saying. And I’m not saying that “only” my enlightenment will save the world. And I’m not even saying that I will become enlightened in this lifetime. It could take a couple more centuries for all I know. But, the simple fact that I, a North American middle-class starving-artist white lesbian from a christian background, am on a path that unites me with Source means that many many others like me and unlike me at all are also on the same path. And the more of us that are on this path then the more of them will also be on this path. And eventually us and them will be one. That is salvation for all.

My lesson today in A Course in Miracles is, “Salvation for the world depends on me.” It’s a beautiful little phrase. When taken in the appropriate context, that being from the perspective of the spiritual seeker, it has so many beautiful layers of hope and expectation for love and peace. Imagine every single person in the world reading that phrase and taking in its truth. Imagine if today everyone in the world contemplated that thought. If everyone knew that phrase then it would literally be true wouldn’t it? The salvation of the world does depend on me, and it depends on you and it depends on every conscious being alive on earth. But, what can one person do? One person can put a thought into the world and invite others to hold that thought as well. If I withdraw my contribution of thinking this thought, then I am stopping the flow of salvation. I am withdrawing the power of the thoughts that we think and withholding salvation from the world. Salvation for the world depends on me. I will be contemplating that all day long today. Join me if you so desire.

I read an exerpt from “A New Earth” by Eckhart Tolle recently. It said something to the effect of… (I can’t find the exact passage anymore) when you surrender you come to realize that you don’t live life, life lives you. This book has a million pieces of gems that say so much and this line really struck me.

I’ve been studying various spiritual teachers and the most common thing that comes up for achieving peace, love, joy, and enlightenment is surrender. There’s something about surrender that’s just really hard to take. My mind is so sure that “I” am the one that makes things happen in my life. “I” am the one that ensures my own survival. If I simply surrender how will I achieve anything, how will I stay healthy, how will I create, how will I survive? These are all abstract thoughts. The mind has this perspective but logic does step in and settle the mind into trusting that everything is really going to be okay and a little surrender doesn’t hurt. The part that’s hard to figure is making surrender a lifestyle.

Activism is a very important part of the queer community. People take a lot of pride in standing up and fighting and “making change”. So what does surrender mean to the activist community? I don’t know and I would never suggest that activists need to be different. I think everything is perfect as it is and that includes the people who fight for change. But, back to surrender. It’s a frightening concept.

The image that came to mind when I read the line, “life lives you” was that of a sailboat. I’m into sailing these days so I thought about it in regards to sailing (I sail little one or two person dinghies).

To say that I live life, is like saying that I power the sailboat. I steer it, yes. But, when there is no wind then there is no power. Without any wind, when I move the tiller it has no affect on the boat whatsoever. This sailboat metaphor really hits home for me. As the skipper I am a decision-maker. I have free will. I can steer it, I can adjust the sails. But, to get anywhere I need to surrender to the power of the wind. An example of fighting against the wind – rather than surrendering – would be trying to sail directly into the wind – it’s not possible. You have to be just off the wind and zig-zag back and forth to get upwind. That’s just the way it is. I can choose to point the sailboat right into the wind if I want to, but I will be stalled. No movement whatsoever.

So, I’m taking this metaphor and relating it to living life with God. (Aside: These days I refer to God in my thoughts as “God, etc.” because to me that means, Life, my Guardian Angel, All-That-Is, Self, Source, Universe, you know, etc.) I am here inhabiting a body and I don’t live life, per se. Life lives me. And that’s amazing because Life is everything and it knows the pathways of least-resistance. It knows where the Love is. It knows where the Joy is. My mind…not so much. Here is where surrender comes into play. My mind wants to live life. My mind thinks that “I” know what’s best for myself. But, imagine if I just “let go and let God”, as they say.

I could say to God etc., “I want to experience Joy and Peace (or, using the sailboat metaphor: I want to reach that island over there). Show me how to head in the right direction based on where I’m at right now and my physical capacity to get there in this lifetime. I will pay close attention to the signs you reveal and make choices to the best of my ability.”

Sailboat metaphor: I choose my destination – the island – and surrender to the power of the wind. I pay close attention to which direction the wind is coming from and how powerful it is. I will make choices about which direction to turn and how to adjust my sails based on my physical ability, the boat’s capacity, obstacles in front of me, signs of the boats responsiveness, and my knowledge and practise up to that moment. Depending on my when the sun sets and what the weather is like, I may or may not get to the island that day. I may have to turn back and try another day. But, I will make those choices to the best of my ability and surrender to What-Is.

I welcome Life to live me and vow to make choices on what direction to take to the best of my ability. Let’s do this thing!

The other day a friend of mine posted a youtube video about Robert Anton Wilson talking about people’s perceptions of reality being it’s own reality tunnel:

I don’t know the context of the talk and I’m not familiar with the man although after a quick wiki search my interest is definitely peaked.

The message is very simple: We all see the world differently because we look at it through our own perceptions. But, it seemed so profound to me. I’m not sure if others see this as so obvious. We see the world through our own perception, then we interpret that perception based on an infinite number of factors and call that reality, which Wilson refers to as a Reality Tunnel. And we all have our own Reality Tunnels.

This is where I find compassion for the religious zealots, homophobes, republican/conservative extremists, people who run red lights, mean people, etc. It’s not that any one of them are “stupid” or deliberately trying to undermine your happiness. They just see things differently. They’re in their own Reality Tunnel. And so am I and so are you. What would it take to force me out of my Reality Tunnel and into one that matches someone else’s? Shame? Guilt? Not likely. It’ll just add shame and guilt to my tunnel.

Right at the end of this brief clip is the part that I find the most interesting.

“Every reality tunnel might tell us something interesting about our world, if we’re willing to listen.”

Stop and pay attention without judgment to a couple of different reality tunnels today. There are as many out there as there are people. But, don’t get overwhelmed, just make yourself aware of the different reality tunnels that around you, especially your own. And then just become curious about the world. What do these reality tunnels tell me about the world I live in. Sometimes it might be depressing and sometimes it might be joyful. But, I encourage you to look without judgment. It is what it is. Why not try looking at what-is with full awareness from your own reality tunnel and see if you can get a glimpse of another person’s tunnel.

(I’m trying to figure this all out for myself, as well, from my own tunnel and it’s all very complex and beautiful. Thanks for reading. I welcome comments and interpretations)